Evolutionary history, Australian style

[marchesarosa]

You should all know by now I have no time for party politics but this is funny.

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History Lesson

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and

2. Labour.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminium can had been invented yet, so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is now known as the Liberal Party. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Liberals by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Labour party.

Some of these Labour men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Labour achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Liberals provided.

Modern Labour-ites like imported beer, but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Labour fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in the Arts and group therapists are Labour.

Liberals drink domestic beer, mostly VB. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Liberals are hunters, jackaroos, loggers, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, servicemen, and generally anyone who works productively. Liberals who own companies hire other liberals who want to work for a living.

Labour-ites produce little or nothing They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. They believe Europeans are more enlightened, which is why most of them remained in Europe when Liberals were emigrating here. The Labour camp crept in after the Nation was settled and the Outback tamed and created a business of trying to get something for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

It should be noted that a Labour reader may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Liberal will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more Labour-ites just to piss them off.